SPECIAL EDITION

HIS HEAD IS IN THE STARS!
President Bush Announces Realistic but Inspired Space
Exploration Goals

On Wednesday President Bush announced to the world that the
U.S.A. is heading back into the business of manned space
exploration.  This announcement came on the heels of more good
news about the economy's record surplus, a palpable feeling of
unity across America's political spectrum, and a wildly successful
peace campaign in Iraq.

Setting humble, realistic goals, the President spelled out his plan in
no uncertain terms:

- Over two hundred thousand additional dollars for NASA.
- A manned moon mission plan by next Saturday.
- A man on the moon by next January.
- Small shopping mall on Mars by the Spring of 2006.
- Remote control thermostat on the sun by 2015 (to control global
warming).
- Major mall on Mars by 2018.
- Time travel/super-light speed mastered by 2021.

"The Mars is the Limit!" - George W. Bush.

President's Generous Plan to Give Democrats the
Moon

President Bush wants to give the Democrats the moon.  Literally.

In a bold gesture Mr. Bush has proposed creating "Political
Zones," where political parties would control areas'
infrastructural "details," like voter registration, environmental
policy enforcement, and tax revenue redistribution.

Rove and the remainder of Bush's cabinet are still working on the
details of this proposal.

Space Tripping
Bush's Legacy is Marching Right Down Conservative
Avenue


I'm sittin' here, ahright?  watching the TV today, mm-kay? an'
whaddya know but the President's on the tube, talkin' up
somethin' new, mm-right? so I figure, "Hey!  This might be a
news worthy story," mmkay? "I might wanna pick up on this!"
You know, bein' a real journalist an' all I thought, "Hey!  Bozo!  
Wake up an' write some stuff down," knowhatI'msayin?

Now LOOK: I don't have to tell you that the president made a
great speech, set out a brilliant vision for the future of space
exploration, established a bold and unmatched VISION, mkay?
 Not gonna do it.  You already know that part.

But a lot of folks are already bad-mouthin' the guy for doin' the
same thing JFK did... for doin' the same thing JFK did.  Ahright?  
You gettin' my drift here, aright?  And it's not like he's runnin' the
country's deficit into the ground or anything, mmhright?

Now LOOK - what Mr. Bush is doin' is just what all good
conservatives do:
1.  Balancin' the budget.  Mright?  That's conservative.
2.  Supportin' ambitious, ground breaking scientific initiatives.  
Ahkay?
3.  Makin' the world a safer place for you an' me.

An' that's all it takes, ahkay?  All it takes for a good conservative
to win over his people is to do exactly the type of stuff mkay?
exactly the type of stuff George Bush is doin', knowwhatI'msayin',
here?

Typical, straightforward, level-headed, small government, realistic
conservatism.  That's all it's gonna take for him to get re-elected in
another landslide this fall.

Mright?

Shooting for the Moon
Kennedy-esque "Vision" not at all Provoked by Recent
Characterization of President as a "Blind Man"


President Bush wants to shoot the moon, cha, and make it the
primary launching point from which future missions to Mars and
beyond will begin.

This man has vision. That much is clear. How clear? Lemme put it
this way, cha cha... clearer than Edgar Winter's butt cheeks, in the
middle of December, after a bleach and peroxide rub-down, cha!

But some naysayers would disagree that this is a good idea. I say
"bull!" I disagree with those guys more stubbornly than a horny
bull, loose in a milk farm, tripping on bottle of Viagra he found and
devoured on the way in, with a thorn lodged in his scrotum ... cha!

I know, I know. The budget. That's what you're gonna tell me. "The
budget won't allow for it. The budget won't allow for it."

Well, ya know what? I just don't care. Somethin' about a ton of
debt, and a trade deficit or somethin'... but we Americans can afford
to be financially irresponsible, you know?

Seriously...  I mean, who the f#&@ cares?  I mean, really... it's not
like China or Indonesia is gonna come knocking on our door...

"Heh-ro? You-a-owin' us MONEY!"

"Pay up or no more cheap hangers for dem Wal Malt stores, whitey!"

A hee hee hee hee hee ho ho hee ha!

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