Reagan Policies Force Qaddafi's Hand
Tolerance and Patience Pay Off Once Again
                                                                                                                        Billow LIE 'ly

Last week the leader of Libya, Moammar Qaddafi, "shocked" the world by saying he'd allow UN Inspectors to
monitor his chemical and nuc-u-ler weapons programs, mkay?  Now, I put 'shocked' in quotes because, I mean,
com'on! We all knew Ronald Reagan's brilliant policies would eventually pay off with this guy, know what I'm
sayin'?  Ah-right?

It's not like Qaddafi was a bad guy, mm-kay?, and it ain't like he's got direct ties to the Al Qaeda er anything like
that, mmkay?  Mright?  I mean, America's got more indirect ties to Al Qaeda than this guy, ahkay?  All right?  So it
ain't like we had any sort of reason to go in there preemptively and risk losing a buncha American soldiers' lives
trying to root out some second-rate chemical and nu-c-uler devices, know what I'm sayin' here folks?  Ah-kay?   I
mean, LOOK: Qaddafi was just some demented crazy man running another desolate desert country full of  every
sort of Islamic nutcase you can think of, erkay?  Not only that, mkay? not only that, but his government is secular.
 He ain't a religious zealot, mkay?  Nothin' to worry 'bout, mright?  

So now the question is: why did he suddenly decide to open his weapons stockpiles to foreign eyes?  Mmm?  Oh
yeah, lot o' guys are sayin' it's because of our glorious victory in Iraq, but I know better, mright?  Mkay?  I know
better 'cause I'm street smart, know what I mean?  I spent too many nights as a gangsta on the streets of inner
Detroit to fall for that garbage, libkay?

Now LOOK: the best policy when it comes to these guys - guys who don't pose any sorta real threat to us - is
what I like to call a "hurry up and wait" policy.  Know'd'I'mean?  "Hurry up and wait." (Like that one?  I made that
up.)  I mean, if the guy isn't breathing down our necks, aright?, if the guy isn't breathin' down our necks, then
we've got it made!  Know'd'I'msayin'?  Um-right?

Well, as much as I contribute to society, mkay?, as much as I contribute to society,  to the better good of mankind,
aright? as much as I contribute, I can't take credit for the policy that led to Moammar Qaddafi folding his
proverbial hand, mkay?  That's be lyin' and lyin' is something I just don't do.  Ever.  'Fact, I've never lied.  To
anyone.  Ahkay?

It was Ronald Reagan, the greatest thinker of our time, who singlehandedly came up with these policies.  Know
it?  Letting a non-threat continue so long as it never became a threat, A.K.A. tolerance... that's Reagan's.  
Ahright?  And not stressing out over a this non-threat while letting it continue?  That's patience.  Another idea
capitalized on by Reagan himself, mmkay?

It's a shame the great man himself isn't around to appreciate the fruit of his loom, mright?  A little patience goes
a long way.  I mean, what has it been - twenty, twenty-two years?  Twenty-two years is a walk in the park,
mright? when it comes to non-threats like Libya.  I mean, compared to hundreds of dead and maimed American
soldiers, twenty or so years is peanuts!

Know what I'm sayin'?


Billow LIE 'ly grew up a poor black child in southeastern Detroit, Michigan. Beating all the odds, Billow
graduated with a PhD in Nuclear Physics from Harvard in 1964 at the age of eight, and entered the Marine
Corps in 1969 at thirteen. LIE 'ly fought for sixteen years in Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia, where he
heroically won the Silver Cross, the Purple Heart, and two CONGRESSIONAL Medals of Honor.  Since then
he's won sixteen Peabody Awards, nine Pulitzer Prizes, and is currently being considered for the Nobel.

Let the Torture Begin!
Saddam's Tall Ass Deserves a Good Castration
                                                                                                                          Dork Levin

Now that we've so bravely captured the mastermind behind the attacks of September 11, 2001, I think it's about
time we use some - shall we say "politically incorrect" forms of persuasion to get Hussein to tell where he's
hidden his weapons of mass destruction.  In shor... I mean, to sum it up: I think we ought to torture his giant
ass.   (Seriously, what is this guy - like, 5'6"?  5'8"?)

For starters I think a good, hour-long cheese-grater session on the testicles should do the trick.  Oh yeah, they'll
need that time, too.  Saddam's a big, big man, and I'm sure his gonads are virtual grapes!  I mean, someone that
gigantic and that bold has got to have marble-size nuts, right?  Huge balls!

After that, I think the interrogators could perform a little stretching on the psychopath's body.  An adhoc rack
could easily be made from the closest coffee table and some hefty rubber bands.  You know, pull on his arms and
legs until he feels as if they're going to pop out of their sockets!  Pop!

Finally, if the humongous heretic doesn't sing by that point, then go all the way!  Quarter the bastard!  Find the
nearest dogs - or, as I suppose are much more available on location, goats - and do away with the large lunatic!

Trust me: do it my way, and the massive madman will speak.  Either that, or we'll
end up with a colossal cadaver on our hands.


In a dog-eat-dog political world, who's got the biggest bark?  The smallest son of a bitch
around, of course.  AKA "The Bald Poodle," Dork is a long time stagnatist friend of many
FOX correspondents.  Frequently heard telling decades-old jokes on Shemp Hannity's
radio show, Levin occasionally writes "fresh" material for Jay Leno.

JesusChristIsGodMas Prefect Hollidy to Eduacate Youth
It's Storey Covers Everthing from Histroy to Sience

                                                                                                                                              Shemp Hannity

In my latest book, Home-Shooling is the Goodest Thing That Every Happen to Me, I cover allot of meterial I'll
am going to cover here.  So if you've readed that book than bare with me because allot of stuff is repeted:

JesusChristIsGodMas is by far an long the goodest hollidy on the world.  Not onley because you get a llot of
preseants but also because its a eduactional winfall.  Think about!  You can teech you're kids all about verious
subjets, like HISTROY and SIENCE, all from the word of GOD, or as I like to call HIM, Jesus Christ, as depiced in
the HOLLY BIBLE.

You can teech things bout SIENCE, i.e. about AMINALS.  Here's a exaple of a SIENCE QUIZ derive from the good
book of Liviticus:

(1)  How many legs does a inect have
(2)  What do rabits chew in their mouth asides from food
(3)  What diseaze can you cured buy spinkling bird bloode on a victime
(4)  Is the bat a bird or a mamal

Thanks to the good BIBBLE, pacifically the book of LIVITICUS, I knowed the answers to these questions by the
time I was fourteen.

(1)  A inect has FOUR legs (don't believe me? Go pick up a spider and check it out for you're self).
(2)  Rabits chew on their CUDE in their mouth
(3)  You can cure LEPERSY by spinkling blod of a birdy on the vicitim,
(3)  The bat is a BIRD, of corse

See?  SIENCE is covered - from elemetary levels (playing with bougs) to doctorite levels (curing diseases) all in
one good book of the HOLLY BIBBLE!

And it don't stop there.  In my next instalment I'm am going to cover the supurb amout of HISTROY you can get
from the KING JAMS BABBLE. How old is the Earth, who was Josephs' fathers, ect.

For all you RIGHTOUS folks out they're whom realize youve made an horible mistake and must now fix it, rest
assuredly: there's no amout of libral educationalization we CHIRSTIANS can't undo by re-educationizing our
childrine EXLUSIVLEY from the KING JAMS HOLLY BABBLE.

In the name of the Father, the Spirits, and the Holly Gosh, Aman.

                After getting his G.E.D. in 1983, Shemp Hannity went on to earn his Electrician's
                License in 1986 and Associate's Degree in General Education from Sage Junior
                College of Albany in 1993.  His radio show can be heard daily on WNUTS 450 AM
                Talk Radio.

Clark Lacks Character, Courage
No Democrat Matches Bush's Respectability
                                                                                                                                Brit "Gunray" Hubris

One thing that tickles me these days is the pool of losers vying for the Democratic nomination for Presidential
candidate.  Whereas we all know the term "Democrat" and "loser" are naturally synonymous, in this particular
election the proof of this truism is sadder than can be typically expected.

It's no spin that we Republicans feel the most electable Democrat is Dick Gephart.  Without a doubt he could
really give us a run for our money in 2004.  But the other "front runners" (aside from the brilliant and equally
dangerous Joe Lieberman) in this race are so void of courage, character, and charisma, that the prospect of any
one them making the ticket seriously causes me to wonder if Mr. Bush should bother to campaign at all in what
will surely be his second landslide.

Consider the case of one General Wesley Clark.  Now, here's a guy many democrats feel can beat Bush in 2004.  
But why?  What is it about Clark that attracts to many Democrats?

I think they all must be mad, and suicidal, because Clark - like Dean and Kerry - lacks every single one of those
traits I enumerated before: courage, character, and charisma.

For instance:
Clark was a "General" in the Army.  Posh!  Anyone who fights for this country knows Generals were born with
silver spoons in their hands, and never spent a day in real combat.  That's not courage.  That's cowardice.

Secondly, Clark was a "Rhodes Scholar." Sound familiar?  Remember what happened last time we had a smart
man in the White House?

Finally, Clark has been known to change his mind on issues, and doesn't think in strictly black-and-white hues.  
Clark is of the opinion that, "black-and-white decisions should be reserved for the battlefied and other sorts of
immediate conflict."  Ugh.  Need I say more?

On the other hand, let's take a gander at our great president:

Mr. Bush was never a "General" in the Army.
Mr. Bush was far from being any sort of "Scholar."
Mr. Bush thrives on black-and-white thought processes.

I think the Democrats should take a sober look at the men they're considering nominating.  Surely they'd stand a
much better chance if they'd simply eliminate the wacko, lunatic fringe candidates, one of which is some
high-brow "General."  Seriously, guys, if you go with DICK GEPHART you might stand a chance of beating us!

Think about it, would you?


                                 No champion of open-mindedness, Brit patrols the atmosphere
                                 of progress, smartly zapping anyone and everyone who reaches
                                 it.  His Daily Denunciation can be heard every day on WNUTS
                                 450 AM Talk Radio.