Rupert "pup" Murdoch
Viagra's best customer
Brought to you by GOD and the GOP

Our Founding
Father.
Hallowed by His name.

We are all His children.

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Ruprick assured the success of FOX by
paying off 250 major cable markets -
launching the only television news network
without any political bias whatsoever!

Very powerful.
Very rich.
Very stagnant.
Ruprick is convinced that, with enough
money, he can stop all human progress,
evolution, and universal expansion
itself.

Ruprick's ancestors were expelled from
the United Kingdom for molesting Welsh
sheep.

Ruprick's Rubric

General Guidelines:

I. Liberalization
1. Do everything in your ability to keep from becoming liberalized.
2. Should you become liberalized, start looking for another job.   

II. Embrace the Broad Stroke
The more always, every and nobody's you use, the more effective you - and thereby FOX - will
be at keeping progressive thought patterns to a minimum (should you need a tutorial in this
area, please see Hannity).

III. Thought
1. Do not think too deeply.  Thinking deeply about any topic may result in the liberalization of
your position.
2. Avoid any sort of non-Machiavellian, other-that-Goldwater-esque, or non-Ronald
Reagan-like philosophy.  Learning to see beyond initial impressions may result in the
liberalization of your position.
3. Although I realize Creationism is the dominant belief system in our press rooms, refrain
from openly endorsing it, or even openly decrying Evolution.  The world has not been
sufficiently stagnated for us to move on this front just yet.

IV. Avoid inviting tough liberals; do not avoid slandering tough liberals
It's wise to refrain from bringing guests like Joe Conason or Al Franken to your show, but do
not stop characterizing their progessive inclinations as "loony," "idealist," or "dangerous."

V. Communication Means "Speak without Hearing"
As my boy O'Reilly will tell you, it's dangerous to actually hear what your political opponent
is saying, especially while you're making your point.  Fortunately the "shut-up!" and "cut his
mic" tactics work nicely when you can't handle your competitio...er, guest.