It's True: John Kerry Really Does Look Like Lurch

   When I was a kid I used to love watching 'The Addams Family."  Okay, I
was a 26-year old college student flunking half my classes and calling in bomb
threats to avoid mid-terms, but that's beside the point.

   What I especially loved about the TV shows of those days was the depth of
the characters.  With today's shallow, liberal-loving TV pap that passes for "art" -
like The Sopranos or The West Wing - it's no wonder audiences are tuning out
Hollywood's degenerate dramas, suspense, and comedies, and tuning in to reality
shows.

   Perhaps this yearning for those simpler, purer TV characters is what drives
so many to actually like John Kerry.  After all, he's a dead-ringer for Lurch, that
curmudgeonly gargantuan butler for the Addams Family Mansion.

   Surely it's not his love of atheism and secret plan to turn our nation into a
communist Utopia that attracts so many voters to his platform.  No, it couldn't be John Kerry's penchant for infanticide, fear
of guns, or hatred of freedom that tugs at so many voters' hearts.

   Indeed, it is the simple fact that our poor, desperate liberal friend from Taxachusetts - whose sights are set on eroding
away our nation's freedoms by first striking God's name from all our precious money, then outlawing money altogether -
bears a striking resemblance to one of early 70s-TV's greatest characters: Lurch.

   I'm sure those of you reading this now who also realize God doesn't have time for liberals will send Mr. Lurch and his
monstrous gang back to Hollywood come election time.

"You rang?"  Yes, Senator, we certainly did.

Brit Hubris

Brit Hubris Gunray began his career in journalism as a newspaper in 1974, in Gaithersburg,
Maryland. Since that time Gunray has covered expensive table tops, penthouse window panes,
and a number of other important objects throughout his career.

A dignified and gracious Changeling, Gunray served as an ABC News conference room doorknob
for 25 years. He was later promoted to a hill, and came to work for FOX, where he is now a
regular panel in the Green Room.  Seeking all corners of creation, Brit strives to crush the
natives of the freedom-loving planet, Liberalis.

No champion of open-mindedness, Brit patrols the atmosphere of progress, smartly zapping
anyone and everyone who reaches it.  Brit's Daily Denunciation can be heard every day on
WNUTS 450 AM Talk Radio.

Political Correctness Endangers Freedom
By Geraldo Rivera Brit Gunray
(Original print date March 27, 2002 April 4, 2003)

Yesterday, in my pursuit of simply enjoying a mild, spring day - reclining in the sun, snacking on some home-made French
Freedom fries, listening to the latest Dixie Chicks Brahms album - something very scary occurred to me: America is
a free nation, but in this day of suicide homicide bombers and rogue nations with nuclear and chemical Weapons of
Mass Destruction bombs, our freedom is, at best, tenuous. We have to guard those freedoms with all our might.

Perhaps our greatest freedom is the freedom of speech ability to shut up and support the war, and the
greatest threat to speech is political correctness not shutting up and supporting the war.

Now, it doesn't take a whole heck of a lot of logic Intellectual Honesty to see this. Given our current state of
elevated vigilance, certain legal imperatives, like Gesundes Volksempfinden The Patriot Act and racism Racial
Profiling at places like international airports and on borders is a necessary evil.

My coworker and compatriot, failed Private Retired Lieutenant Colonel Joseph Cafasso Oliver North --
who, as an American Soldier Liberator once fought toe-to-toe with Iraqi combatants Death Squad Enforcers
from the Elite Regular Republican Democratic Guard -- says it best: "strong people have the courage to face
ugly truths."

We should all strive to escape the urge to hide uncomfortable thoughts with a bunch of verbal fluff  No-Spin Zone
Spin.  Then we'll all be able to enjoy the simplicity of a mild, spring day.

-Geraldo.  -Brit

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