It's True: John Kerry Really Does Look Like Lurch
When I was a kid I used to love watching 'The Addams Family." Okay, I
was a 26-year old college student flunking half my classes and calling in bomb
threats to avoid mid-terms, but that's beside the point.
What I especially loved about the TV shows of those days was the depth of
the characters. With today's shallow, liberal-loving TV pap that passes for "art" -
like The Sopranos or The West Wing - it's no wonder audiences are tuning out
Hollywood's degenerate dramas, suspense, and comedies, and tuning in to reality
Perhaps this yearning for those simpler, purer TV characters is what drives
so many to actually like John Kerry. After all, he's a dead-ringer for Lurch, that
curmudgeonly gargantuan butler for the Addams Family Mansion.
Surely it's not his love of atheism and secret plan to turn our nation into a
communist Utopia that attracts so many voters to his platform. No, it couldn't be John Kerry's penchant for infanticide, fear
of guns, or hatred of freedom that tugs at so many voters' hearts.
Indeed, it is the simple fact that our poor, desperate liberal friend from Taxachusetts - whose sights are set on eroding
away our nation's freedoms by first striking God's name from all our precious money, then outlawing money altogether -
bears a striking resemblance to one of early 70s-TV's greatest characters: Lurch.
I'm sure those of you reading this now who also realize God doesn't have time for liberals will send Mr. Lurch and his
monstrous gang back to Hollywood come election time.
"You rang?" Yes, Senator, we certainly did.