The No-Spin-But-My-Own-Sphincter Zone with
Dildo O'Reilly

Dildo O'Reilly grew up a poor black child
in southeastern Detroit, Michigan.
Beating all the odds, Dildo graduated
with a PhD in Nuclear Physics from
Harvard in 1964 at the age of eight, and
entered the Marine Corps in 1969 at
thirteen.

O'Reilly fought for sixteen years in
Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia, where
he heroically won the Silver Cross, the
Purple Heart, and two
CONGRESSIONAL Medals of Honor.

After an injury prompted surgeons to cut
out his heart he was no longer eligible
for combat, so Dildo ,who never uses
any makeup or eyeliner at all, reluctantly
abandoned a stellar future in the
service to pursue a career in journalism,
where he has since won three Peabody
Awards, a Pulitzer Prize and a Nobel.

Dildo is currently being considered for
the Nobel.

I am indeed a one-of-a-kind guy. I may look white, but in fact I grew up a poor
black child in southeastern Detroit, Michigan. My dad, a working class
accountant, only pulled in about 42 g's a year, and this was as recently as
1972, mkay? So I know all about the underdogs of this world, and now that
I?m rich I go after them whenever I know their opinions are wrong. After all, I
used to be one of them.

"Now LOOK: as I was saying, I'm unique. My name is spelled with
punctuation, and is pronounced: 'DILDO,' mkay? No spin... that's just my
opinion. And if you're brilliant enough to pick up on all the li'l nuances in my
book I'm sure you're prob'ly gonna see that my opinions are actually facts. So
go ahead and get used to it now..."

You can find out more about this fascinating journalist in his book, Who's Looking
Down His Over-Picked Nose at You?, or you can watch his powerful show, The
No-Spin-But-My-Own Zone, aired nightly at its live time of 7:00 p.m., and repeated
at 8:00 p.m., 9:00 p.m., 10:45 p.m., 11:45 p.m., and 1:00 a.m. (All times BLST -
"Bizarro-Land Standard Time")

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