David ASSman

Prior to joining FOX, David ASSman served as bathroom attendant for the
prestigious Wall Street Journal for over a decade.  By the time he'd parted ways
with the Journal, ASSman had become a full-time employee, a connoisseur of
scatology, and in 1999 won both the "Daily Graffiti Cleaner" and "Corn Pickers
Bazaar" awards.

Still considered one of the nation's best toiletry distributors in the New York City
metropolitan area, David still haunts his old stomping grounds, frequently sticking his
nose "right back into the midst of things," as he puts it.

As a "journalist" David has actually won awards - awards specifically created to
benefit unimaginative, right-wing, neocon myopia, such as the Stagnatist Prima and
the Unsubstantiantus Datum Medal.